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Building Relationships by Letting go of Judgement

IMG_7181Judgement is something we all do, but how much does it truly help us to evolve? Does any form of judgement ever help us to build relationships?

Judgement is something we all experience in school, and at home, from our parents and all the authority figures who think that correcting us is helping us to learn. In fact what happens when we are judged and criticised is that we shrink and do less, and cement the idea that we are never quite Good Enough. It rocks our self-worth.

On the other hand, appreciation inspires us to expand and be more. It is the polar opposite of judgment – if we truly appreciate someone, it is impossible for us to judge them, but what is true appreciation?

We all like to be appreciated, but it is usually about the things we do for others, for example:-
• Giving flowers
• Washing up after a meal
• Helping with a difficult job
• Supporting when they are down

When we appreciate what other people do, is it true appreciation, or is it gratitude? Are we making out that they are better than us? That is not equal and true appreciation brings equality to all.

What about the qualities we bring? For example,
• Integrity
• Honesty
• Warmth
• Nurturing
• Caring
• Strength of Character
• Steadiness
• Stability
• Sense of humour
• Patience
• Tenderness
• Vulnerability

When we look at the qualities we bring, it doesn’t matter what we do. If we can feel and appreciate these qualities in ourselves then it becomes easier to see them reflected in others, and confirming what we feel helps us to build trust in our relationships with partners, siblings, children, parents, friends and colleagues, because we see and feel everybody as equals.

When it comes to expression, we can appreciate that everyone has a different view on life and they have a different way of doing things. If we are open to listening without judgement we can consider what they say or do and we don’t have to agree, but there will be something in there for us to learn if we are open to it and that’s what we can appreciate.

Together we form a whole, and everybody has a part to play, like ants who are great at working in Brotherhood – we are not alone, we cannot do it alone, we need everybody’s input.

We all express differently. We are all at various stages of awareness and everybody’s expression is valid, including people who are angry or who we don’t like. They are reflecting back to us something that is within us, albeit in a lesser way, or they are showing us how we have allowed the world to become by not speaking up when we see something that doesn’t feel true. Our appreciation of everyone’s expression is important and we can do it by feeling their essence, knowing that an angry expression is not truly them. We can learn from it rather than be angry ourselves, which does nothing except hide our own sadness.

There is the potential for anger in all of us, not one of us is perfect, mood-free, or always polite, because we all have negative thoughts and reactions that happen in our day too.

Instead of judging, we can choose to accept and appreciate that we are not perfect, and that everything and everyone around us is reflecting lessons for us to learn from, and that helps us to evolve. Through acceptance and appreciation we are confirming everyone and building more lasting relationships that we can trust.

Here is a link to an article with philosopher Serge Benhayon talking about the Science of Appreciation.

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