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The Lineage – Our True History

If you did geometry in maths at school, the chances are that you have heard of Pythagoras. He understood a lot about numbers and one of his theorems enables us to work out the sides of a right angled triangle: the square on the hypotenuse equals the sum of the squares on the other two sides. His mathematical teachings have remained with us since the 5thcentury BCE.

What is perhaps less well known is that he was also a well-respected Philosopher, and what he taught inspired many philosophers still to this day and contributed a great deal to society in general.

As well as being interested in the Cosmos (Universe) Pythagoras presented an ethical way of life that valued men and women as absolute equals. He taught about reincarnation and that our connection to our body is what bridges our connection with the Soul and prepares us for our next life.

Avoid foods forbidden, reflect, that this contributes to cleanliness

And redemption of your soul; This all, Oh, consider;

Let reason, the gift divine, be thy highest guide;

Then should you be separated from the body, and soar in the spiritual aether,        

Then will you be imperishable, a divinity, no longer a human!                            

The Golden Verses 68-711

He taught about relationships and how to be with each other in life, yet history tells us he was simply a mathematician. The focus on just the mathematical aspect of his work is a form of reductionism, a mis-representation of what he actually shared with humanity.

Pythagoras is not alone when it comes to being mis-represented or ignored in history. Throughout time, whilst Humanity has continued to fight wars and dis-respect each other in a multitude of ways, there have always been wise men and women who have lived amongst us and shown us a way of living that was contrary to norms of the day.

They taught that living from the Inner Heart is the most ethical way of being but their message was rarely well received at the time, with torture and or death meted upon anyone who went against the ‘comfortable’ thinking of the day.  Over time, their wisdom has been lost and their words skewed, either through re-interpretation or deification, so that us mere mortals are taught that we are not equal to that same source of wisdom.

These men and women were teachers, bakers, philosophers, famers, known and unknown, make up The Lineage, all living and sharing the Golden Thread of the Ageless Wisdom. Their love of humanity has meant that regardless of risk, this Golden Thread has continued to be on offer throughout time. Wherever one philosophy school has been closed down, another has popped up elsewhere in the world.

What is the Ageless Wisdom that they presented?

It is the absolute knowledge that the truth of who we are can be accessed from within each and every one of us. Most of us are living in a way that so dulls our senses we find it hard to consistently connect to it or feel it at all.

Pythagoras taught it, as did Hermes, Patanjali and Zarathushtra before him but we are not taught about it in school. Buddha, Jeshua and Mohammed also presented the same message and the religions that they have inspired, pay lip service to the love and wisdom they offered.

In short, we have been lied to, either through omission or being taught a selective version of history, deliberately chosen to hide the Truth of who we are and how easily this truth can be accessed by anyone. Many of the religions talk about God but present Him as something separate from us, something we are not worthy of. The Ageless Wisdom teaches that God created souls to be his equal.

We think we are mere mortals, but that is what we have descended to. In reality  we are amazing, powerful beings who are pretending that we are not. We have descended into a creation of our own making and are living in the mess we made.

The evolution of humanity is not about more technology, or going out into Space, our evolution is about going within and reconnecting to that light. As Pythagoras taught, the Ageless Wisdom is accessible through our bodies, it is an endless source of absolute knowing that is available to all of us and has always been available. The more we attune our self to that connection, we can feel how to live, what to eat, how to speak  and how to be in all our relationships.

Our true human History is not the kings and queens that we learned about in school, or the men and women who fought battles to gain geographical areas and dominance over their fellow man. Our True History is the History of the Ageless Wisdom as presented from Hermes, Pythagoras and so many others throughout the centuries right through to our Modern Times, as well as all the deliberate acts designed to suppress it.

 

  1. The Golden Verses: https://www.holybooks.com/wp-content/uploads/The-Complete-Pythagoras.pdf#page92

 

What is True Family?

We may think our family are the people we are related to by blood, but it is wider than that, True Family is All of Us. True family includes everyone upon this planet, without exception.

That may seem a bit of a sweeping statement although in our deepest heart we know it to be true, because many of us have accepted a smaller version of family in order to survive.

When I was a small child I would play families with my mother’s button box, I also played with stones and with many other objects. I would group things by colour, by shape and by texture. Reflecting on that way of playing made me realise that is how we group people: we put together and respect people by colour or by features that are ‘familiar’, because they have something in common, they look alike, or they feel like someone we are comfortable with and can value. We discriminate even though in truth we are all equal.

We talk about blood ties being thicker than water but we all have the same DNA, the same blood flowing in our veins – we may have differing blood types but there is not Jones Family Blood or Smith Family blood, there is just blood in all of us. Whoever you are if you need blood in a hospital transfusion it is chosen by just a few Blood Types (A, AB, B or O). As a friend of mine recently said, even ‘Blue blood’ is red.

True Brotherhood is not yet ubiquitous, we tend to act differently depending on where we are and who we are with, for example, at work we might be professional and hardworking, in the supermarket we might be polite but distant and then when we are back in our families we let it all hang out, we collapse, let go of the polite exterior, and that’s where the greatest abuse can happen.

What some of us are learning, thanks to Universal Medicine is that True Family is about being the same one person with everybody regardless of whether we are at work or at home or anywhere in our local community. We can choose to be open and transparent, respectful and communicative with everyone we meet.

I was horrified the other day to observe two small boys speaking to each other in angry tones, the same tones I have heard their parents use – like many children they are learning by example, copying the adults around them. Children learn about life from their families, we all learn from our families, they are our first ‘school’ and that is why it is so important that a whole community accepts responsibility for raising children, so that they can learn to communicate with respect in their wider community and not accept any kind of abuse.

Many people think abuse in the home is acceptable, it is not, but I do understand why it happens, because living and working in close quarters with anybody brings up all our stuff and if we are not supported in knowing how to let go of our hurts without abusing another person, we tend to react with strong emotions and lose track of the need to treat everyone with respect and decency.

Abuse of any kind is not natural but we have come to accept it as normal. I am learning that to speak harshly with frustration to my partner is abuse. Speaking to him in any way that is not loving is abuse.

As the Bishop Michael Curry from Chicago said at a recent Royal Wedding,
‘When love is the way, there’s plenty good room – plenty good room – for all of God’s children. Because when love is the way, we actually treat each other, well … like we are actually family.
When love is the way, we know that God is the source of us all, and we are brothers and sisters, children of God.’

Being British I was brought up with the Royal Family as part of our culture, and they could be considered role models for us. I have seen the Queen in passing and I am the same age as Princess Anne but I don’t know any of them personally, I only know what I have seen of them on TV or in the press. I actually have no idea how they are with each other at home, they are certainly distant from each other in public.

In my own immediate family, boarding school set us apart and I learned to hold back and not let people in. I’m 67 now, nearly 68 and it has taken me a long time to get to a place where I can be open and transparent with everyone I meet. I love having hugs and I get more hugs from my friends than I ever did in my blood family, so I tend to consider my friends as family too.

When we look at humanity, the broader picture, in truth we are all one family, the family of human beings that inhabit this Earth. At the moment we live separate lives but the time is coming when we recognise each other by our essence and not by our colour, race or creed. The time is coming when we let go of our hurts and live in appreciation not judgement. The time is coming when we can treat each other with absolute respect and decency. The time is coming when we can all live the love that we are in true brotherhood where everybody is seen and felt as equal. This is our future and we can live that now, live as one true family, it is our choice.

Anxiousness and Speaking Out

microphone audience

“No way would I get up on stage and speak”

“My mind went completely blank”

“My heart races and my knees shake”

“What will they think?”

“I’m sure they think I’m stupid”

These are the thoughts that many of us have about speaking to one or more people, and especially when we have to speak to a large group.

We like to be liked and we like to be in control of situations. When we are speaking one-to-one it is easier to maintain control because we can watch their facial expression, we can read what they are thinking, and we can adjust what we say according to their reaction. When there is more than one we cannot be looking closely at everyone at the same time and we may miss valuable clues to their reaction. We are looking for reactions all the time, because that is what we experience in many of our relationships and therefore that is what we use to adapt our behaviour.

This way of being comes from an underlying anxiousness based on us needing external confirmation that we are OK.

Question: Why do we need this external confirmation?

Answer: Because we don’t know who we truly are.

We tend to identify ourselves with our roles and what we do in life, and see ourselves as just a human being with all our issues and problems… but we are so much more than that.

When we allow ourselves to be still and feel inside our bodies, we can feel a deeper sense of our being something greater than our physicality and we can know that what happens outside of us is simply a reflection of how we choose to live.

When we live in such a way that our bodies have stillness inside, i.e. no stimulants like coffee or sugar, no indulging in exciting dramas, we can actually feel what needs to be expressed in any situation. When we feel that impulse, it doesn’t matter what other people think, something needs to be expressed, we say it and then let it go, knowing that we’ve done what needed to be done.

Our anxiousness, our need to control, makes us ill. Some people develop mental health issues such as panic attacks or OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), some have palpitations that lead to ongoing heart disease, some have poor digestive systems, and there are many physical symptoms we don’t even realise that are caused by our underlying level of anxiousness.

When it comes to giving a presentation the way anxiousness affects us physically is that before we start we get butterflies in our stomach and may have sudden diarrhoea. Once we are in front of people we get shaky knees so that our whole body including our voice shakes, our minds can go blank, we forget what we wanted to say, and we can’t feel the audience so can’t feel what needs to be said. In other words, we lose our connection with our deeper selves, we are presenting without presence.

Presence means we are in touch with our bodies and living absolutely in each moment, not thinking of things past or future, simply being where we are right now, feeling our feet, feeling our bodies, feeling around us, sensing the audience and then saying whatever is there to be said without imposing any of our own ideals and beliefs onto them.

One of the ways we can reconnect at any time is to focus on our breath: not deep breaths, but very gentle breaths, in and out through the nose. When we do that even just for a few minutes, standing, sitting or lying down, our whole body can relax and let go. Here’s a link to some audios you can listen to that talk you through. The Gentle Breath Meditation is a simple way to reduce anxiousness, restore your sense of self and regain conscious presence.

What is True Love – Fairy Tale or Fact?

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When I was a little girl, I read lots of stories about princesses and princes and they usually ended up as a couple living ‘happily ever after’ and that set me a picture, an ideal and a fantasy of how life and love could or should be.

How true is that?

How true is our love in all our relationships?

When I was an adult I carried on the fantasy by reading romantic stories where the man and the woman would have some difficulties at first, i.e. perhaps it wasn’t always love at first sight, but eventually they would realise they did love each other and the book would end on a happy note with the couple pledging their eternal love to each other.

It gave me a sense of completion, of satisfaction, but only for a moment. Reality would soon kick in as I realised that real life wasn’t like that.

Looking back I realise most of my life I have felt unloved. I wasn’t abused in any way but something was always missing, and it was only in my 60s that I discovered the missing ingredient was… me. I didn’t love me, so how could anyone else?

For whatever reason very early on in life I decided that showing my true self to the world wasn’t a great idea, and that it was more important to try to be what I thought other people wanted me to be. So I never brought my full self to any relationship, whether to my parents, my sisters, my friends, my boyfriends or my husband, my bosses, or my clients. For everyone I came into contact with I played a role, projecting an image of a happy, efficient, busy, jolly person, when all the while there was a deep underlying sadness, because nobody knew who I truly was. I didn’t know myself.

What I am learning now, in a different country, in a new relationship, is first of all to observe what I am feeling at any moment in time. In the past I dulled my feelings with food but since changing my diet to a more nourishing one, I am living more lightly and find that I am able to recognise subtle feelings that in the past I would have dismissed.

Secondly I am learning to express how I feel honestly and openly, with no apology but with the absolute truth of what I feel in my body. Feelings are fleeting experiences that, if we ignore them or bury them, can build into a tension that causes illness and disease further down the track. For me not expressing how I feel has caused anger and resentment in me, and that feels awful in my body. When I simply say how I feel, my whole body relaxes.

Thirdly I am learning to let go of the need to control anybody else, learning to express what I feel and to not have any expectations of an outcome. I have learned that loving another means giving them space to come to things in their own time. Loving is not controlling – this goes for parenting our children, partnerships, friends, everywhere in life.

On a practical level I have learned that true love does not have a fairy-tale ending, because our relationships are full of challenges and they don’t stop. These challenges create a constant tension that we can choose to be overwhelmed by and want to run away from, or we can see them as beautiful reflections for us to learn from and evolve. Gently exploring these reflections gives us the opportunity to deepen our understanding of each other and thereby deepening our love.

Most important of all when it comes to love in relationships, I have learned that our first relationship is with ourselves, appreciating the qualities we bring to the world, honouring everything we feel, and expressing our truth as much as we feel we can. Only then can we bring ourselves in full to life, only then can we be the love that we truly are in all our relationships.

 

Esoteric – The Truth Within

Photograph by Carmel Reid
Photograph by Carmel Reid

The word Esoteric is often used to mean something mysterious and for some that is a real experience, because the true meaning of the word is ‘Innermost’ and many of us have no concept or awareness of what goes on inside our bodies. We may be aware of our physiology, ie that we have a heart and lungs and a digestive system, but we also have many subtle mechanisms for sensing that go beyond our physical awareness of sound sight touch taste and feel.

We are surrounded by energy, everything is energy, we are energy and our bodies can feel energy flowing in and through us. Witness what happens when someone shouts at us angrily, we naturally recoil. Even though they may not have hit us physically, the impact of the energy, the aggression in the voice let alone the words, feels physical. So we can feel energy, and we can do that all the time. This means that everywhere we go, we are picking up the emotional energy of every single person we meet and, because we are all connected, of everyone on the planet.

Now that sounds pretty massive, feeling everyone on the planet, but it might explain the days when we feel tired for no reason, because we have been picking up energy without being aware of it.

This is where the Esoteric comes in – our ability to be astutely aware of what is passing in and through us, our awareness of what we are feeling within our own bodies, which can be a guide for our choices throughout our day. This is something we can all do, so it’s not really a mystery, it’s a choice.

We tend to measure ourselves by external factors, what’s going on outside of us, what people say, how people look, how they react to us when we speak, and we adapt our behaviours to survive or according to what makes us feel more comfortable, and we protect ourselves from hurt. But that protection builds up physical tension in our bodies that stops us from feeling anything so then we get surprised because we didn’t see it coming.

It may seem weird to know that we can see or feel what’s coming, but it’s not a mysterious talent open to only a few, we all have these amazing abilities to connect within, see and feel, and we have access to an ageless wisdom through our bodies.

We think that our brains and our minds are the wise part of us but in truth is it our body, what we feel inside, our connection within, that gives us access to an intelligence far greater than most of us realise.

The Esoteric can support us in every single aspect of our lives, especially in our relationships and in our expression, because when we truly feel what’s going on, we take nothing personally. We can understand why something is being expressed and the way it is being expressed and know that it is either another person’s expression of hurt, or it is something we ourselves need to learn from. When we are more aware, we can read situations and people in a way that gives us that understanding so we are not devastated by what is going on around us.

This applies to all walks of life and all professions. It is very easy to get sucked into other people’s emotional dramas in a way that is physically draining, but when we can ‘observe and not absorb’ then we are less exhausted, because we have stayed connected to our own body and not let in any energy that is harming.

“Everybody comes from the esoteric, it is in them and of them and it is the same in everybody – everybody has the esoteric on the inside. This is a fact that belongs to the meaning of the word esoteric – the inner-most.”

Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings & Revelations, p 282

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Cool With God

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Photograph by Carmel Reid

Many people feel lost when it comes to talking about God. Some say categorically that He does or does not exist, others claim to be ‘Agnostic’ (Not knowing). What I can say about God is that I’m no longer ‘sitting on the fence’, an English expression which meant I wasn’t sure which side I was on. These days I feel cool about the existence of God, but it’s taken me 50 years to get there.

In my childhood I never questioned God, Jesus or the Saints as taught to us by the Roman Catholic religion. I dutifully went through my First Communion at age 6, was confirmed in my early teens and went to confession every week. My education from 7 to 17 was at a Catholic Convent and in the early days God was my friend, I used to love going into the church and having a ‘chat’ with God but by the time I was 18 I began to question His existence and stopped going to Church altogether.

Instead of reading the Bible I read lots of science fiction books that celebrated the brain and made no mention of God or how life started, they only looked at a technological future where the body held a minimal place.

In my 30s and 40s I started to explore New Age modalities. Many of them referred to a mystical higher power but avoided using the word ‘God’ which suited me fine because I was happy to refer to ‘The Universe’ or ‘The Source’ and other non-specific names as a way of explaining the something-bigger-than-us that I could sense but not fully define.

In my mid 50s I met philosopher and author Serge Benhayon who presented God in a very matter of fact way and it blew me away because so much of what he said made sense. It was very different from the stories I’d been fed as a child where I learned about a judgemental, angry God. Instead I learned that God is a truly loving being and we are all his equal children, with no ‘chosen’ ones because we are all the same in our deepest essence.

Despite there being, or maybe because of, the many different religions, most of us do not know that the same one God exists as a fact of life for all of us, regardless of what we believe or what religion we belong to. I found that reassuring.

We’ve all heard about free will and interpret the words in many different ways to suit our lifestyle but I have since learned that the free will God gave us was the freedom to choose what energy we align to and that energy is what gives us our thoughts and drives our actions.

‘Everything is energy’Albert Einstein

‘Everything is because of energy’Serge Benhayon

It was pretty mind-blowing for me to learn that my thoughts don’t originate from my brain, that they are fed through me from either one of only two outside sources of energy and that what I say is either harming or healing depending on which source I choose.

I can feel this for myself: if I am deeply connected to my body, what I express feels true and is exactly what needs to be said in that moment whereas if I am not connected, what I say is often laced with emotions or laced with judgement and that feels horrible.

I love the feeling that we are all connected and the understanding that every single move we make, every breath we take affects everyone on the planet. We are indeed all one and energetic responsibility is important.

There is a lot more for me to feel and learn. When Serge Benhayon talks about God I can understand and feel that what he presents is a truth because it is so totally in his body. I am unable to present with such clear conviction because most of my life has been lived through my mind and for me God is a mental concept not yet a full physical experience.

I need to live in a way that does not dull my awareness. My body knows Truth and I need to allow myself to feel it in full and then I can express what is there. My mind can repeat any number of words that I have heard but if they are not also part of my lived experience then they will be just empty words.

So although I am cool with knowing and accepting in my mind that God exists, I still have to experience God directly in my body.

“God is light and God is love, both of which are one and the same source of emanating truth. These qualities cannot be felt in the mind.”

Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings & Revelations, p 213

Further Reading:

  1. Who or what is God by Carmel Reid
  2. Unimedpedia: God

 

 

Abuse in Communication

 

Photography by Carmel Reid
Photography by Carmel Reid

We have developed a way of communicating in our society that we have come to accept as normal but when we explore it in detail, there is a lot of abuse that we ignore, don’t recognise or don’t know how to deal with.

What type of communication is abusive?

Most of us have different ways of speaking depending on whom we are addressing and how much we feel free to express our deeper feelings or our dominating emotions. We are polite to a stranger but with friends, family and in some workplaces there can be a level of abuse that should not be considered acceptable. Unloving words, tone of voice and body language are just as harmful psychologically as physical violence is on the body and long term psychological abuse can lead to mental and physical illness.

Here are some examples of abusive communication that I’m sure most of us have experienced:-

• Siblings speaking to each other in an argumentative way

• Parents talking to their children with frustration and no appreciation

• Teenagers being sulky, rude and uncooperative

• Friends being sarcastic or insulting making out that it’s funny

• A boss who is angry about something criticising everybody

• Drunken men and women staggering about and shouting in the street

• Couples bickering and sniping at each other

Most of us have come to accept this kind of abuse as part of everyday life, not knowing that it doesn’t have to be that way, and that we can all treat each other with decency and respect no matter what. It may take some years of introspection to change the way we are but it can be done if we are motivated to change.

We all know that abuse begets abuse so where does it start?

Let’s look at one of the most insidious forms of abuse and that is self-abuse: i.e. what we inflict upon ourself through our own internal communication, how we think about our self, how we speak about our self, and how we treat our own bodies.

Many of us are constantly criticising our self from the moment we get up and look in the mirror. It goes from picking holes in our appearance to apologising for all the things we think we did wrong throughout our day.

Where does this come from? 

I can only speak for myself…
I was brought up as a Catholic and we were all told that we were born with ‘Original Sin’. Not only that, we had to go to confession every week to confess our daily misdemeanours and were told to say three Hail Marys and two Our Fathers in order to atone for our sins. There was never a mention of appreciation of our delicate beauty and the qualities we brought to life, only the things we did wrong.

For me that self-abusive feeling of constantly being wrong followed me well into adulthood, and I would assume that if somebody reacted to what I’d said or done that it was somehow my fault. If something went wrong, I would apologise and I’m not alone – there are many men and women who apologise all the time, even when something is not their fault!

We can all communicate with our self in a negative way, for example, looking at food that we use to numb our feelings: we may criticise our self for eating unhealthy foods but there is insufficient self love to want to truly nourish our self, so it is an ongoing cycle of abuse – eat, feel guilty, eat to numb the guilt, feel guilty again.

The criticism we communicate to our self can be about the bad things we think we have done, or the flaws in our appearance, our speech, our home, and our relationships. Every single time we speak or think that way, it is like sticking pins in a VooDoo doll – we are hurting our self, cursing our self with our negative self-talk.

Instead of all that internal abuse, we could make space to appreciate the qualities we bring to the world, the values that we live by and the way our bodies move and support us no matter what. There is much to appreciate in our self and in each other and that is what will change the world.

Once we stop the internal abusive communication, we can begin to value and appreciate our self and then there is no way we will accept any level of abuse from another or towards another.

With more confidence in our self and what we feel, we are able to stand up, call the abuse for what it is, no longer accepting any kind of abusive communication as normal.

We can also role model how to treat people with decency and respect by how we are with others in our everyday communications.

“Not adoring another is abuse.”
– Serge Benhayon –

“Not adoring our self is abuse!”
– added by Gayle Cue

Further Reading:

(1) Understanding in Relationships  How Judgement leads to abuse

(2) Energetic Integrity and Energetic Responsibility

(3) How Do You Have Communication Without Reaction

Serge Benhayon – An Inspiring Presenter

Serge Benhayon
How can you write an article about a man who has affected your life in so many different ways?

Since meeting Serge Benhayon in 2005 my life has changed dramatically. You could look at photographs of me in 2005 and now in 2017 and see some obvious differences: first of all you would see that I’m half the size that I was, not in height but in terms of weight, and the heaviness that has gone is emotional as well as physical as I have gradually de-stressed my life.

Serge lives in a way that is very healthy psychologically as well as physically and all his presentations are an explanation of how he lives and what he knows about the world and us in it. He is a teacher, a philosopher and a religious leader, but not in the way you might think. The religion he presents and lives, The Way of The Livingness, is for all of humanity and is based on a lineage known as the Ageless Wisdom. It is an ancient way that touches on our relationships, how we eat, drink and sleep, every aspect of our lives.

Without repeating word for word what I have heard him say over the last 12 years, I can say that it has changed my perception of what happens in relationships and the choices that we make. It has given me greater understanding of what is happening in my body when I am ill. It has enabled me to take responsibility for everything that happens in my life because now I know that everything around me is a reflection of every single choice I have ever made. This is borne out by the fact that as I have taken greater care of my body and opened myself up to love I am now at the age of 67 in a new country and in a new relationship.

Not only does Serge present information that is relevant to each one of us as individuals, he also explains what is happening on a world wide scale and his presentations are all encompassing, by that I mean they apply to all of us, all of humanity. From this I am beginning to understand how the way I live affects all of humanity, and that is inspiring me to take even more care of how tenderly I can breathe, speak and move.

He presents in the UK and Australia through talks, group workshops and healing courses and is a prolific author, having written 9 books with more in the pipeline. One of the most recent projects Serge has embarked on is presenting an Internet-based TV series, Serge Benhayon TV.

In each episode, Serge is interviewed by Rebecca Asquith or Professor William Foley and he talks about men and women, domestic violence, intelligence, the way we live and many other aspects of our lives. This has made his teachings more accessible on a world-wide scale so that anyone with access to the Internet can hear him speak. The initiative is supported by a team of dedicated professionals.

The way Serge Benhayon presents is by first of all treating us as absolute equals, because he knows that we all have access to the same information through our own bodies, and he is constantly reminding us that he is not special, just making different choices.

The second thing that makes Serge Benhayon an inspiring presenter is that he absolutely lives what he presents, he walks his talk and he talks his walk – he speaks truth with an authority that resonates deep within all of us. Many of his audience have commented that it ‘feels like coming home’.

Some people don’t like what Serge presents because they can feel they are not living that way and don’t want to change, and he respects that. For me it is an absolute truth, I don’t always choose the healthy option, sometimes I resist changing my ways, but when I do honour what feels true for myself within, I feel great.

No matter what choices we make, Serge Benhayon consistently holds all equally and never gives up on anyone. He is always supportive, and for me he is the most inspiring presenter I know and I always look forward to his events.

The Power of Reflection in Relationships

Reflection
We can learn a great deal about ourselves through the reflections provided in all our relationships because as we express in whatever way we do, other people respond, react or do nothing and that gives us an opportunity to reflect on what and how we just expressed as well as observing our follow-up reaction, if there is any.

For example, if we get a reaction of stubborn silence, it increases our frustration levels but we need to understand what is going on for the other person, be they teenage son or daughter, lifetime partner, friend or work colleague, we can feel into why they are being so stubborn. We can choose to explore what is it about our expression that they have reacted to.

Was our voice laced with judgement?
Did we speak in a way that dishonoured them?
Is there something going on for them that we have ignored?

We have a tendency to judge other people because they are not like us; they do not think like us, and we forget that what is important to us may be of no consequence to them. That can be both incomprehensible and frustrating.

We want control, especially in terms of timing, wanting something done NOW and they may not feel like doing it just yet… or at all.

We can be abusive when we judge others, and that harms everybody including ourselves. If we can develop our sensitivity, develop appreciation in all our relationships, that helps to remove any judgement and opens us up to making beautiful connections with everyone regardless of who they are.

This means that our first relationship is with ourselves, understanding who we are and why we react in certain situations.

Have you ever noticed how someone speaks to you in exactly the same way your mother or father or teacher did? Life keeps presenting us with these reflections over and over again until we get it. Wherever we move to in the world, issues we had with neighbours, work colleagues, and family re-create themselves in our relationships in the new location.

For example,

• A parent who ‘never listened to us’ can set us up with a pattern of feeling unloved, so when our partner or boss doesn’t listen to us, we feel the same hurt.

• Childhood arguments with our siblings get recreated amongst close work colleagues

• We tried to please our parents by changing our behaviour (being ‘good’) and this pattern repeats with friends, work colleagues and partners. We are not being truly ourselves so it does not bring any satisfaction or fulfillment, and we are disappointed when we are not fully appreciated.

Relationships give us an opportunity to truly evolve as we learn and grow with other people. Everywhere we go there are other people and that means we have lots of different encounters, and they are all ‘relationships’. The trick for us is to be consistently open, appreciative and non-judgemental with everybody, bringing the same quality of being to everyone we meet, whether family, work colleague, friend or stranger.

Building Relationships by Letting go of Judgement

IMG_7181Judgement is something we all do, but how much does it truly help us to evolve? Does any form of judgement ever help us to build relationships?

Judgement is something we all experience in school, and at home, from our parents and all the authority figures who think that correcting us is helping us to learn. In fact what happens when we are judged and criticised is that we shrink and do less, and cement the idea that we are never quite Good Enough. It rocks our self-worth.

On the other hand, appreciation inspires us to expand and be more. It is the polar opposite of judgment – if we truly appreciate someone, it is impossible for us to judge them, but what is true appreciation?

We all like to be appreciated, but it is usually about the things we do for others, for example:-
• Giving flowers
• Washing up after a meal
• Helping with a difficult job
• Supporting when they are down

When we appreciate what other people do, is it true appreciation, or is it gratitude? Are we making out that they are better than us? That is not equal and true appreciation brings equality to all.

What about the qualities we bring? For example,
• Integrity
• Honesty
• Warmth
• Nurturing
• Caring
• Strength of Character
• Steadiness
• Stability
• Sense of humour
• Patience
• Tenderness
• Vulnerability

When we look at the qualities we bring, it doesn’t matter what we do. If we can feel and appreciate these qualities in ourselves then it becomes easier to see them reflected in others, and confirming what we feel helps us to build trust in our relationships with partners, siblings, children, parents, friends and colleagues, because we see and feel everybody as equals.

When it comes to expression, we can appreciate that everyone has a different view on life and they have a different way of doing things. If we are open to listening without judgement we can consider what they say or do and we don’t have to agree, but there will be something in there for us to learn if we are open to it and that’s what we can appreciate.

Together we form a whole, and everybody has a part to play, like ants who are great at working in Brotherhood – we are not alone, we cannot do it alone, we need everybody’s input.

We all express differently. We are all at various stages of awareness and everybody’s expression is valid, including people who are angry or who we don’t like. They are reflecting back to us something that is within us, albeit in a lesser way, or they are showing us how we have allowed the world to become by not speaking up when we see something that doesn’t feel true. Our appreciation of everyone’s expression is important and we can do it by feeling their essence, knowing that an angry expression is not truly them. We can learn from it rather than be angry ourselves, which does nothing except hide our own sadness.

There is the potential for anger in all of us, not one of us is perfect, mood-free, or always polite, because we all have negative thoughts and reactions that happen in our day too.

Instead of judging, we can choose to accept and appreciate that we are not perfect, and that everything and everyone around us is reflecting lessons for us to learn from, and that helps us to evolve. Through acceptance and appreciation we are confirming everyone and building more lasting relationships that we can trust.

Here is a link to an article with philosopher Serge Benhayon talking about the Science of Appreciation.